Carers, recognise your limits
Broadly speaking, carers can be grouped into two coping ‘types’:
- ‘Care providers’ give more and more support as the needs of the person with dementia increase. They pile one responsibility on top of another which eventually becomes unbearable. Sometimes these ‘care providers’ find it difficult to ask others for help.
- ‘Care managers’ notice new symptoms that need support, but rather than providing the support themselves, they first consider; “Who is the best person or service to help with this?”. They utilise external support provided by other family, friends and services.
These, of course are generalisations, but it is important to recognise that you cannot, and should not, try to manage everything yourself. You need to care for yourself, and this will ultimately be in the best interest of the person living with dementia.
Ask for help
Being a ‘care manager’ means asking for help from others. Asking can be hard, but it is essential for your own wellbeing. Many family and friends are very willing to help, but don’t know how to offer or what sort of support they could offer.
- Ask for help before you think you really need it. It is not admitting defeat; it’s an important process of managing support to ensure you can continue to care.
Yousef’s daughter and son-in-law wanted to help by taking his wife Zaynab out each weekend so Yousef could have some ‘time out’. Yousef felt that they were busy enough with their kids, jobs and lives and he ‘didn’t want to be a bother’. His daughter gently explained that if he didn’t take action now to look after himself and got sick, they would all be in a really difficult position.
Plan now, don’t wait
Plan and start early in seeking assistance from community services as there are often long delays. See 5.5 Types of Services for more information. Your first step is either registering with My Aged Care, (when the person with dementia is 65 years or over) or the NDIS (under 65 years).
- Explore services that are on offer. It can take time to find the right provider and sort through services that work for you both.
Plan to get support
Write some ideas down about what would give you support. These might be practical, like doing some ironing or having someone take the person you support out for an hour or two. When people ask if they can help, you’ll be ready and you can say “yes”.
Start early in seeking assistance from community services. Get to know what is available in your area.
